3 Quick Mentality Tips to Help You Have the Sex Talk with your Lover

Despite countless signs we're aligned and have deep chemistry with our partners and spouses, there are still plenty of reasons we might find ourselves in sexless marriages and spiceless romances. When it comes to these moments, it's often easy to fall back on more passive methods of trying to get our lovers back in sync with us. Unfortunately, you can hint at what you want all you want; only to find yourself more frustrated then you were before you started trying to understand what blew out the flames between you and your lover.

At which point, nothing has proven to work better than having a gentle yet exceptionally direct talk about sex with your lifemate.

To help you get aligned with the right mindset to have the sex talk with your partner, here are 3 quickie mentality tips:

1. Assume the Best
It often feels like it will be easier to think the worst; to believe that our partners just don't care or aren't naturally attracted to us. Or worse, that they are stepping out on us.



In most cases, none of these things are true, and when we approach our partners with love, understanding and the recognition that they are not likely trying to hurt us intentionally; we can usually get to a resolution that brings our groove back quickly.


2. Don't Mind Read
Projections run rampant if we let them, and often provide us with mental movies that could rival Hollywood thrillers depicting all sorts of crazy things our lovers might think, say or do once we break the ice and tell them we want to talk about what's widely been treated like a taboo: sexuality and sexploration.

This is a natural phenomenon controlled by our egos, and one to be monitored carefully, especially if you've had a colorful and unsatisfying romantic past.

No matter what you need to talk to your partner about, it never helps to mind read; especially if you picture them doing anything other than accepting and supporting your needs.

To prevent doing this, try to keep your mind clear of any expectations; regardless of how they might have reacted to you in the past. Follow tip one and assume the best of them, then follow tip number three; all without trying to imagine what they'll think, say or do.


3. Don't Beat Around the Bush
Despite nearing the 22nd century, sexuality and intimacy are still widely relegated to the same taboo vibrations as drugs, taxes and crime; none of which are fitting for such a natural component of our human existence. Depending on how you were brought up and how your current social circle treats the topic of sex and expanding ones sexuality, you might be tempted to try and be ultra subtle, to approach the topic very formally, or to try and honeycoat everything trying to cushion your SO's ego.

Whatever you do; DO NOT DO THIS.

If you approach the topic too slowly or with too much super-sized adoration, you're more like to offen your partner than spare any hurt feelings you were worried about. Being too cautious with such arena's often backfires by giving your partner the idea that you find them too emotional, stupid andor inadequate; as if they've done something super wrong to give you reason to be so scared of talking to them about your physical relationship with them. Likewise, avoid being overly critical, parental, formal or subtle.

Your lover is supposed to be your best bff; bring it up to them just as you would to your bff; direct, with due humor and without fear, prejudice, malice, or negative expectations.

From there, all you must do is make sure to be CLEAR.

Playful is fine, as is some flirtation, just so long as you aren't candycoating your meaning or beating around the bush with what you want. If you want more foreplay, tell them so with some clear examples of what that would look like for you. If you want to connect physically more often, say that.

Whatever you need, the more clearly you're able to name and define your needs, the easier it will be for your partner to help you fulfill your needs.


In addition to the above tips: So long as you remember to listen as much as you speak, and offer the chance for your partner to express their needs also, your conversation will smooth out more and more as you two continue becoming comfortable with the topic.