Have you been "Spouse Zoned"?

In the Spouse Zone it's likely you're fighting like angry Bears!

I was browsing my favorite flipboard app, and came across this article about how (in heteronormative-relationships) Men will "friend-zone" women just as often as women do with men; when it dawned on me that there is another zone that we can get relegated to, that is very commonly experienced, but not so commonly affirmed as existing.

It's what I'm hereby dubbing the Spouse Zone

Which, to be very clear, does not necessarily only happen to married couples.

Though married or not, the Spouse Zone is that place where you're partner isn't connected with you openly and authentically, they've stopped participating in the ever vital friendship part of your relationship, they're still connecting with you physically but not romantically or spontaneously anymore, and (the biggest indicator) they've started treating you like you're a ticking time bomb that could go off and make a BFD out of something unimportant; which they've started using as an excuse for not being authentic, forthright andor honest with you.

When you're in the spouse zone, you might notice your partner using backhanded terms of endearment like "the old Ball and Chain", "S/he's my Old Lady/Man" andor "I gotta check in with the warden first."


You might also notice yourself feeling like your partner has become more distant emotionally, whether or not they've already become physically distant.

Along with that distance you'll usually see a serious disapearance of romantic, erotic andor sexual desire from your partner; and if this has gone on a while, you might have also lost your lust for connecting with them in such ways.

You'll also notice that most of your arguments get escalated into full blown fights because your partner tries to excuse negative behavior choices (like lying, omission, misdirection, etc...) by suggesting or saying outright that they can "never win" with you, or that they didn't tell you because they knew you would be "upset" (even if you rarely get upset andor if anyone would be upset by what they'd done).

A lover who has subconsciously pushed you into their spouse-zone, has it in their minds that you're the type of spouse who wants to control everything about them, under threat of emotional andor psychological torture; which is very rarely ever grounded in reality.

Even in unhealthy relationships where control and power play is a serious problem, it is exceptionally rare that anyone always wants to control everything.

Same with someone always getting upset over every little thing.

This zone is created and fed by subconscious fears, commitment challenges and attachment traumas on the part of the partner whose placed their lover in it; which creates a huge amount of egg shell walking, tip-toeing, struggle and negative self-fulfilling prophesizing for the projecting partner, and twice as much stress, headache and crazy-making for the partner whose been unfairly and (usually) unknowingly placed in the spouse-zone.

It's super no bueno for either partner.

If you recognize that you're in or have placed your lover in the "Spouse Zone", it's essential to seek assistance and do thorough research on what healthy conflict resolution and relationship dynamics look and feel like.

eMail today for a quick and free consultation, or seek out your nearest couples couselor or therapist to help overcome this tricky couples dynamic.