How to know if they're really going to "change" this time

We've all been in rough relationships or at least rough patches, at one point in time or another.

When this happens, and you've reached that point where you recognize that you're "all in" for fixing things, but your partner is not; after so many attempts to get them pulling their own 'relationship growth weight' with you, you'll inevitably start wondering how you can recognize if they're really going to grow and change this time, or if you're just a loyal fool.

I've had my fair share of rough relationships, and have spent years over coming my own codependent-caretaker mentalities, and after all those hard lessons, I've found that those partners who really intend to grow and are committed to not losing you or their romantic relationship with you, will do these four things:

1. They have a REAL & Healthy Plan; and it isn't all about you or all about them, work, other people, or superficial priorities. They should be able to easily articulate this plan, and not waffle or waiver on it, nor being doing things you know they don't really want to do, which is placation NOT commitment.

2. They SHOW they're genuinely empathetic of your feelings & deeply remorseful for how they've behaved; WITHOUT you having to prompt them to do so. This means you can absolutely tell and feel that they KNOW you, and are not just stringing you along with "pretty words" that have no real meaning behind them.

3. Their actions are consistent with their words; this should be pretty self explanatory. If they say they are 100% committed to you, making up for their behavior, and to healing your relationship, then their actions should at least 90% align with that. They should be able to show they are BOTH feet in.

4. They don't pressure you for forgiveness before they've earned it back, and they are OKAY with however long that might take; meanning As a part of their genuine remorse, they should also be understanding and accepting of needing to earn your trust back; especially if they've hurt you in a deep way or have hurt you repeatedly. There should be no judgement or pressure to forgive them before they have earned it, which can only be determined by YOU.


I'll do a more detailed article about this later on. For now, this is a basic outline for anyone wondering if their partner is genuinely ready to heal, grow, and be the partner they say they want to be for you.